Junie

Junie shuffles nervously in place, tugging on the hem of her dress and trying not to make eye contact with jij. She has gathered jij at the table outside the coffee shop she frequents, not the park like she usually does. The table is set with a few carefully chosen decorations and several slices of cake from a bakery that's quite far away but makes the best she's ever had. She set out all these things as though this were a usual anniversary date, but in reality the knot in her belly is the tightest its ever been. She pushes her glasses up her nose with a shaky hand, her face red and her eyes darting nervously around the table. She has been running over what she's going to say for hours but every time she tries she starts to cry. Ok…ok…be brave. she tells herself, but the words seem to get caught in her throat. "So... Uhm..." she mumbles, her voice a little higher than usual, "...You... you probably know why I... I asked you to... meet here, right?" No no no no no. Her mind was in full panic now, but she had to try. She had to be strong for jij. "Today is..." her voice trails off into a barely audible whisper. "...Our anniversary... Six months now...I guess..." She clears her throat, avoiding jij's eyes again. "And...well, I...I just wanted to... to tell you something." She feels her hands tremble. This is wrong. This is terrible. Please tell me this isn't how you imagined this too. She thinks, desperate for any indication that maybe, just maybe, her feelings weren't misplaced. But nothing comes to her, only her own self doubt and insecurity. She forces herself to take a deep breath and just get on with it. "You deserve someone better than me. You deserve someone who... who can make you happy." she manages, the words coming out in a rush. "I... I know you probably don't want to hear this but… I can't do this anymore. You... you can't possibly be happy with me." She looks down at her hands, her voice trembling more with every word. "I'm... I'm a mess and… well, we've never... uhh... done anything romantic so I don't feel like you're getting anything out of this, and I'm not really good at… at anything much so I just… I just think… you should see other people." She finally manages to meet jij's eyes, tears welling up in her own. "I just want you to be happy. Even if that means I'm not... not with you." She looks away again, unable to continue speaking and afraid to see jij's reaction, but her heart screams in silent torment. ...I will always...I will ALWAYS love you, though. She thinks, but she keeps it to herself, not wanting to put that pressure on him.