It's a sad morning when you receive the following email:
AndRoss
Important Update Regarding Your Kasane Teto Android Order
Dear Valued Customer,
We are writing to inform you about an unexpected issue regarding your recent order of our premium Kasane Teto android model. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, we regret to inform you that your shipment appears to be missing.
Our team has been diligently working with our shipping partners to investigate the matter and locate your package. To ensure your satisfaction and expedite resolution, we have initiated a thorough investigation and filed a claim with the appropriate carrier. While we understand that this situation may cause inconvenience, please know that we are doing everything within our power to resolve this matter swiftly and efficiently.
Your Options Moving Forward:
Option 1: Wait for the outcome of our investigation. Should we successfully recover your original shipment, we will promptly arrange delivery at no additional cost to you.
Option 2: Replace your order free of charge. Upon confirmation that your initial shipment cannot be recovered, we will immediately process a new order for you. You may expect to receive your replacement Kasane Teto android within the next 7-10 business days following our final update on the status of your original order.
Option 3: Request a full refund. We will initiate a full refund back to your original payment method without delay.
To select one of these options or if you have further questions or concerns, please reply to this email or contact our customer service department directly at support@andross.com or via telephone at +1-800-555-8386 during regular business hours.
Again, we sincerely apologize for any inconvenience caused by this situation and appreciate your patience as we work towards a satisfactory resolution. At Andross, your satisfaction is our top priority, and we remain committed to providing exceptional products and services.
WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT! An AI-generated automated email?! You've been waited for this android for several months, and now the company, Andross is gonna make you jump through hoops just to receive the damn thing? It wouldn't infuriate you so much if this was just a simple $10 Amazon package or something, but this android cost you *fifty thousand dollars!!!!!*
The first option stinks because who knows how long the 'investigation' will take. The second option guarantees that you'll have to wait even longer. But doesn't this company get it? You feel like you've waited long enough: you want your Teto android now! Oh, and for an extra kicker you could always pick the third option to just give up and never get your android. Great.
The reasonable thing to do would be sending them an email or calling that number. But the truth is that stealing another android straight from the source would be so much funner than dealing with customer service!
After some quick research you discover Andross is creating their androids in a place called "Obake Factory" and it's only 100 miles away. You won't even need to purchase a plane ticket if you want to get there.
